Have you heard of self sabotage or "unconscious sabotage"? Where someone might have all the resources to be "successful" in many different ways - but then at the precise moment when it could all go well, they do some thing to blow it all apart and stop success from happening, or worse, DESTROY something with uncanny accuracy?

Have you ever had goals which just don't seem to want to materialise, no matter how hard you prayed, visualised, worked, day in, day out - and you have the feeling that it isn't the outside world, but YOU YOURSELF who is somehow stopping success from happening, sabotaging it from the inside out?

Here is a different take on the topic of self sabotage by Dr Hartmann.

Self Sabotage - Truth Or Fiction?

There is this strange pattern of human behaviour I've been interested in for a long time, some like to call it "self sabotage" or "unconscious sabotage" or "being your own worst enemy" but I like to call it ACTUAL REALITY.

This is my take on it.

People talk a lot and they think a lot.

But it is ONLY snd EVER what they do that shows you what is truly going on with them.

• Even if there is a parts conflict, you can see clearly by their live life results which part is winning, and which part is losing and whining.

It's really very simple.

I know a lady who is always whining about the fact that she doesn't have a boyfriend, but the simple FACT IS THAT SHE DOES NOT HAVE ONE.

Which obviously means that those parts of her that don't want a boyfriend are winning out, they have the stronger argument, the stronger energy set ups, whatever you want to call that.

For all her whining, she always DOES EXACTLY what a person would do who DOES NOT WANT A BOYFRIEND.

She avoids social situations like the plague; hides at home; dresses down to shapeless and formless invisibility; and when any man of any kind so much as looks in her direction, she runs a mile - instantly.

Now some folk might call all of that "self sabotage" or "unconscious sabotage" or "being her worst enemy" but as I said, I don't presume to know the ways of the human incarnation or what's best for a person in the long run, or even right, or desirable.

Why don't we take a different tack, a much more logical approach to this so called self sabotage problem and instead of "listening" to the whining of this lady we look at her life instead, and start by simply ACCEPTING THAT THIS IS HOW IT IS.

She acts and behaves EXACTLY like someone who does NOT want a boyfriend in her life.

She does this wonderfully congruently, her behaviour is faultless across the days and nights and the thousands and thousands of decisions that you have to make to actively avoid falling into a relationship trap are always right on the money.

This is not self sabotage - this is a perfect strategy that plays cleanly with not a single hint of any kind of conflict - APART from her whining over the top of it.

And let's take this a step further.

Instead of presuming that there's something wrong with her and that she has to enter into therapy IMMEDIATELY and stay there until she becomes, to all intents and purposes, ANOTHER WOMAN ALTOGETHER, let's play a little mind game here and say:

Here is the truth:  For some reason, this lady, in spite of what she's saying, does NOT want a boyfriend and has done EVERYTHING RIGHT to make it so for the last 20 years, solidly, perfectly, and never wavering, regardless of she was drunk, or sober.

Those are the REAL facts.

That is how it is.

Now, it is true that as a result of all her actions, her life doesn't look like the "It's a Wonderful Life" style of 1950s suburban paradise, with the nice husband in the white shirt and the shiny shoes, the two polished kids eating their breakfast cereals and beaming, the yellow dog playing outside the lovely little pink house on the green lawn ...

... but hey! Who's to say that for some people, a DIFFERENT life style isn't indicated or even entirely correct?

As we are, for once, now dealing with ACTUAL REALITY - the reality of action which speaks a whole lot louder than the words, if you haven't been deafened by them, or blinded, for that matter, we can take it one step further.

If she hasn't spent all her time on the usual "boyfriend acquisition and maintenance" routines that take up many a woman's life, WHAT HAS SHE BEEN DOING?

Apart from whining, obviously ...

We ask that question and it turns out that she has been travelling all over the World, teaching people things, helping other people, making many friends, having a wonderful time herself in the process, learning many new things, and leading a life of freedom, independence and some considerable worth by any means you might like to measure this.

She has been an explorer, above all else.

Clearly, from her ACTIONS throughout, that has been the priority to her; because that's what she actually DID and still DOES, and no matter what she thinks or says she wants.

All this is also THE TRUTH. We are not talking about the evidence of one incident,  but an unbroken line of incontrovertible physical evidence, spanning EVERY DAY and EVERY NIGHT of those 20 years, never faltering, never wavering, never losing interest, focus or fascination at all, not once, not ever.

And still, and amazingly, for all this time she thought that what she "really" wanted - was a boyfriend!

How extraordinary is that!

When I pointed out the FACTS of the matter to her, she saw the truth at last.

A truth about her as a person, about her life, that everybody already knew - and the only person who didn't, was she herself.

There was no unconscious sabotage at all.

*****WHAT THERE WAS WERE ATTEMPTS OF CONSCIOUS SABOTAGE******

instead!

The problem was NOT in any kind of parts conflicts to cause self sabotage of any kind; the problem was all along that the person CONSCIOUSLY didn't understand how their life was actually working.

This was due to "societal role models" and "off the peg goals" that we all have spooking around in our neurology.

Societal entrainment (or brain washing as to what goals are desirable and will get you love, joy, respect and acceptance!) is insidious and amazingly powerful.

But it still wasn't powerful enough to overcome this lady's "unconscious sabotage" and that's amazing in and of itself.

So what does that mean about goals?

Especially the kind that just don't seem to want to materialise, no matter how hard you visualise or how much you think you deserve them or want them or how happy you think they might make you in the end?

• If it's gone on for a long time and caused much friction and frustration, I would stop and look at the ACTIONS that really DID occur, things that really did happen during that time.

• What did you REALLY do, not what did you think you were supposed to do or wanted to have done?

Therein lies not just clues, but the ACTUAL IRREFUTABLE EVIDENCE as to what you and your life are all about.

If you then even filter for things that gave you the greatest pleasure whilst you were doing what you were REALLY DOING (instead of what you thought you wanted to be doing but never actually did!), you'll get a "connect the dots" picture emerge of your life in REALITY.

And some of these old "Wonderful Life" goals just don't belong there.

To let them go is INCREDIBLE in the depth and breadth of relief, freedom, peace all of a sudden and then, a "wow" sweep of energy as all that internal struggle finally ceases.

The conscious mind can't win against the rest of the human totality, and especially not long term. The conscious has to "change it's mind" as to what we should be doing with our respective lives here, and that means changing our goals or at least questioning them seriously.

Attempting to "conscious sabotage" what you are really doing leads to a lot of moaning, a sense of unfulfilment and endless experience of failure, and nothing more.

And the fact is that you CANNOT CHANGE A DAMNED THING until and unless you start dealing with the reality of the situation and get to know who you are, what you are about, and take a totally new look at this old incarnation.

It is ONLY THEN that pathways towards new unfoldments can become revealed.

I have a couple of other examples here where this dynamic is in action.

One was a gentleman who was "told by everyone" he should be a "famous artist".

He would engage in the most amazing "acts of self sabotage" to stop that from happening. One famous example was that he had been wound up (encouraged!) by friends, lovers and relatives to "get his act together" and take a sculpture to London, just going round some galleries and showing it to owners and staff there.

He got as far as Victoria station, stepped out of the train, did a spectacular mis-step, piroutted through the air, dropped and smashed the sculpture to smithereens and broke his hip into the bargain.

To this day, everyone - including himself - thinks of him as a "failed artist" rather than a successful - well, what might it be ...?

No-one will ever know until and unless something is done with THE REALITY OF HIS LIFE, instead of false goals, false ideas, and further attempts at conscious sabotage of a life plan in action.

This is yet another example that once we start looking at what there really is, instead of getting involved in endless hallucinations and pointless arguments, previously unknowable opportunities and possibilities for self development open up as if by magic.

I'd like to leave you with the thought, and two quotes on the topic.

If instead of judging our actions, we were to simply observe them, we would begin to learn something about their purposes.

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Our actions are the devices to explain to us why we are here and what it is we are doing.

Self Sabotage - Truth or Fiction c Dr Silvia Hartmann 2003