They say "silence is golden" - well, as you know, "they" say all sorts of things, and most of them aren't worth the paper they're not written on.

However, it is certainly true that one of THE most profoundly effective methods of brainwashing a person is to apply SILENCE.

Silence & Brainwashing

In cults, people are first taught (and then the behaviour pattern and state spreads like a virus and people do it automatically and WITHOUT having to be taught!) to not argue with someone who says something they don't like, but instead, to say nothing and to look away.

The silence and the withdrawal of attention together create an extremely powerful social indicator to a person that "they have done wrong".

Eventually, a person thus treated will no longer say what they think and hold their tongue to avoid this happening to them; and if it goes on for long enough, they can't even THINK those thought that would lead to saying those things that they used to say anymore.

When that happens, the brainwashing is complete; for now the access road to "that" whatever it was, has been cut off and the person's consciousness can no longer travel there.

But even "just" silence without the withdrawal of attention is a very powerful thing, with really powerful effects on the other person; and as silence in this context is about making a choice to employ silence very much AS AN NLP LANGUAGE PATTERN to produce an outcome, silence and how to do silence well is well worth looking at more closely.

Silence As A NLP Language Pattern

In a normal conversation, there is a give and take, an ebb and flow. One person says something, the other responds; like a tennis match, the people involved take their turn to pass the ball back to keep the conversation going and to increase rapport which is in general the purpose of conversations (excluding cocktail parties)(just kidding).

How UNUSUAL it is to actually NOT respond in that way is something you need to try out for yourself, get an experience of it.

• It is important to note that silence is actually doing something, rather than doing nothing; it is the act of holding your tongue! This can be quite difficult, because it is so rare, but it fascinating, especially if you are about to enter into an argument, or some form of conversation with someone you've had a million times before, and it always progressed in a certain way, no matter how many clever NLP langugae patterns you were trying to employ.

So.

Here's guy X and he says, "I went to Rome the other day."

Guy Y responds, "I hear it is hot there this time of year."

Guy X says, "Yeah it was really hot! And no air conditioning at the office."

Now, guy Y says ... absolutely NOTHING. He doesn't look away, keeps relaxed and friendly, and just looks at guy X.

What happens next?

What, more importantly, happens INSIDE of guy X as the result?

The first thing is one of those moments when the neurology is put out of balance, and if you wanted to, you could take it into trance at that moment, easily.

Guy X is out of balance and doesn't quite know what to do or think or even feel - he is confused.

If you just leave him for a moment or two, he'll recover and might start to say something else to open a new line of conversation; or in other words, he might "try again with you" to get that tennis match going.

If you do SOMETHING at this moment of confusion, and before he's had a chance to recover, you can fixate his interest on - anything really. On your hand reaching out for the glass; on your eyes and head if you move it around a little; on any object you point to; AND ONTO ANY TOPIC OF CONVERSATION you might want to go to just the same.

You have a crossroads moment where you can lead that person back to ordinary awareness, or deepen the trance into a coma, if you wanted to.

I'd say that is THE most powerful NLP language pattern; I don't know any other that achieves something as profound as this, as quickly, or as easily.

There are many versions of using the golden silence for taking control of a conversation, or a whole group, or yourself, or all of that at the same time.

Silence & The NLP Forced Mind Read

One of these is quite well known and often practised in the way of an NLP language pattern, and that would be the forced mind read.

In the forced mind read language pattern, you need at least two words, preferably an entire phrase, that a person will complete automatically and without having to think about it.

The forced mind read can be a mechanism to create rapport if you let it stand, as mind reads are a hallmark of people in deep rapport - "I am thinking of Elvis ...(silence)" - "Presley?" - "Yes that's exactly right! We're on the same page here!"

The forced mind read can be used to cause confusion if you derail it into something else - "I have such a problem with premature ... (silence) ... decision making!"

And it can lead into trance if you go on to develop that "train of thoughts" that got started by the forced mind read - "Cocal Cola is ... (silence) ..." - "The real thing ..." - "... is always worth having, don't you think, the real thing is what we want at the end of the day ..."

The forced mind read doesn't work, however, without the judicious and well timed application of silence.

Silence & Heightened Attention

Another fascinating way to use silence which can't cause a mind read because there isn't enough information to guess what happens next is to stop in ...

... Silence ...

That new book of mine is really cool, did you know?

Silence creates confusion, but just before that confusion, it creates HEIGHTENED ATTENTION.

Whatever you say after that silence will receive much more attention than in the general run of the mill talk; and that's another feature of the super-language pattern that is silence.

There is so much you can do with silence - long silences, short ones. Teensy ones, like William Shatner (Captain Kirk!) is famous for using to draw attention to what he is saying.

You can pair silences with withdrawal of social attention; with body postures and hand gestures; even with doing things with energy forms, states and emotions.

So I find it amusing to say to NLP students who are fascinated with language patterns to pay attention to the language that is there - and the silence when it isn't.

Have fun with this, try it out, don't be scared!

If you only learn this one language pattern well - when to hold your tongue for maximum effect! - you'll go a long way :-)

Dr S Hartmann

July 2009