NLP Pattern: Going Behind A Behaviour With Core Transformation

Going "behind" or "beyond" the actual behaviour in order to establish the behaviour's purpose is a great way to resolve conflicts, because there's always more than one way to skin a cat, especially in NLP. Here is an example to get a single part to change its ways; this is from the excellent Core Transformation process by Connirae Andreas.

To discover the intention behind the behaviour, first the part is allowed, perhaps for the first time, to imagine that they could have or be whatever they want, fully and completely.

Then, this question is asked, "What would that give you?" which means, "Why bother with the behaviour at all? What's the point?"

As you keep uncovering layer after layer of intentions behind behaviours, eventually you reach a "core" - the real, deep and underlying reason for the behaviour. This core reason can then be discussed and alternative, easier and/or different routes to the core may become obvious in the process.

For example, I saw a young lady who had an internal representation of a warrior woman, an angry Amazon, who would "take over and wreck all my important relationships". This warrior woman part stated that she was proud to be aggressive, served an important purpose and would not think of changing in the slightest.

Following a technique from the Core Transformation process, I asked,

"If you could just imagine what it would be like to be completely and totally aggressive, what would that give you?" The rather unpleasant answer to that was,

"I would have killed everyone and be the only person left alive". With a slight shudder, I went on.

"So, imagine you had killed everyone. Allow yourself to experience it fully and completely now. What would that give you?"

Answer: "Feeling secure."

Ok. "So, if you had this feeling of security fully and completely now, what would that give you?"

"The ability to have an intimate relationship, to be able to love."

"Oh great. Let's just back up here a minute and look at this - so, in order to be able to love someone, you need to kill everyone first?" at which point, as happens so often in these kinds of conversations, the warrior woman part in question begun to scratch her head, and started to look very sheepish indeed.

This part had never thought any further than security; and, by opening up the reasons behind the behaviour, understood finally that what it was trying to achieve was in direct conflict with the means by which they were trying to achieve it.

In many cases, this is all that's required - it's a breakthrough moment, and from then on, negotiations can proceed and normal conversations can be had.

Excerpt from Project Sanctuary, Section V, Negotiation Skills.

Core Transformation Example used with permission by Steve & Connirae Andreas