After laughing so much I nearly spilled my coffee over my computer, I calmed down enough to apologize in my mind to the poor lady in question, because when the NLP body snatchers get a hold of your boyfriend and send you this creepy replicant back instead, that really isn't funny at all!

The first thing I would say after that apology is, "You are not alone! Many people have had the experience that loved ones go on NLP trainings and come back ... different.

"In fact I suspect it's this creepy NLP transformation which has caused talk that NLP might be a cult and that brainwashing takes place at NLP seminars and trainings.

"But be of good cheer. Your boyfriend is still in there, but what's happened is that he is starting to experiment with a whole array of new things in a very clumsy, beginner fashion, which looks, sounds and definitely feels weird and unnatural - a bit like Darth Vader trying to dance the hula. Very disturbing.

"Best to not laugh if you can help it, appreciate that they are trying to learn to do new things, think in a new way, and in the end, that will be a good thing, and you'll receive benefits from the NLP transformation."

Here are some examples where NLP creepiness happens in beginners. If you are reading this and you are an NLP beginner, don't be dismayed. It's a phase we all go through and laugh about later on, but please do appreciate how disturbing this is for your nearest and dearest.

The first place is the so-called meta monster.

This takes its name from something that young NLPlings learn at the start, namely the meta-model. The meta-model is a series of questions designed to break illusion and re-establish reality, which is in fact, the absolute opposite of "being brainwashed".

For example, people will say, "Everybody knows Santa Claus isn't real."

Using the NLP meta-model, you can question this statement in many different ways. You can ask, "Everybody? Who exactly is that? And how do you know these exact people say or know this?"

You can ask, "What do you mean by Santa Claus? The metaphor, the idea, the potential existence of a spirit that gives gifts of an energetic nature at a particular time of year when the stars are aligned just right and the corridor to Planet Earth is open for a single night? The homeless dressed up in raggedy costumes trying to get money for cheap drink? Or something else altogether ...?"

You can ask, "What do you mean by real, exactly?" or "When you use the term "knows" what exactly do you mean by that? First hand experienced information, or something you read in a book, or perhaps something you can feel in your body ...?"

Every sentence can be "attacked" like that, every word in every sentence, in fact.

It's a hobby with young NLPlings to do that, and to do that at extremely inappropriate moments, for example, "Oh I feel really turned on right now ..." - "Oh? You feel? What exactly do you mean by that? How do you know? What is your evidence procedure?" is the hallmark of the aforementioned meta-monster.

What happens after a time, and enough beers having been thrown over the meta-monster, slaps in the face received and folk voting with their feet and just walking away in disgust, they learn to bridle that in and not challenge every word in every sentence anyone says any longer in that clumsy fashion.

Phew ...

The next mega NLP creepiness factor comes from the study of hypnosis and hypnotic language pattersn, and the tentative attempts by the young NLPling to induce trance or to try and give conversational post hypnotic suggestions.

Sentences like, "Sooo ... you do feel right now that I AM THE ONLY ONE FOR YOU ..." coupled with really weird voice shifts into gravel-land and the person pointing at themselves like Tarzan slaps his chest are little trial ballons of conversational hypnosis that as yet, lack refinement and skill, and most of all, elegance, congruency and self confidence.

That's what makes them so creepy and is why this feels so unnatural and causes the eeeouwh! response in many, and especially in women who are much more practiced in the arts of subtle communication by virtue of having done nothing but talk, talk, talk since they started to walk at an early age.

However, and especially if you are in a loving relationship with a young NLPer, don't despair and don't give up on them. Let them have a play, let them experiment, and give them feedback, not so hard that they'll stop and lose all confidence at that.

With a bit more practice, most beginner NLPers will get past the creepy stage and become much, much better communicators. They will be paying far more attention to how you feel and think, and the vast majority will try to use their expanded skills for the good of the relationship - to become a better boyfriend, in other words.

This is definitely worth waiting for and encouraging, even though it can test one's patience along the way, it's true.

What I would also advise is to ask the young NLPling about what they're trying to do, and thus learning yourself a bit more about what NLP does, tries to do, what it has to offer.

There is a lot of incredibly useful stuff in NLP about how people think, how they feel, how they talk and what we can do with that across the board.

Now it is very possible that once YOU start with NLP as well, we have two creepy people instead of one - but remember, it's only for a short time, you'll soon grow out of it and then you'll return to a natural form of communication and action but it is more elegant, more refined and you have a lot more fun on many levels with yourself and other people, and how they do the things they do.